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01.01.1970 01:0000    Comments: 0    Categories: You Asked (Text Files)      Tags:



I attended a recent Apprenticeship Training with you. As I set in the audience I was hoping that I would be picked for you to work with publicly so that I could get free from the bulimia that I have suffered with for over 37 years.


Since the training I have been seeing a Theophostic minister regarding this problem. She is doing a very wonderful job, but I have only been able to see her three times in four months. It takes planning and deep commitment to see her because she is 260 miles away, one way. So I have a question: How do I control my eating in the meantime, before I get to freedom?


I am finding that I am beginning to lose my health from all the food that is being consumed. However, it is really weird, but as long as I have some kind of real hope that I am going to beat this thing everything changes and I suddenly have the ability to be, emotionally, one of the wisest eaters on the planet, and I do so. The rest of the story is that I am now 49 and have been disordered since age 12. I became a Christian at age 29. I really do not know what freedom from comforting myself with food really is, except for these day or few days at a time that I get every now and then when I have that sense of hope. But I have hope so little of the time. I am actually very depressed, anxious, fearful, and angry most of the time.


I have memorized lots of Scripture in order to get free.

I have done seven three-week fasts in six years.

I have cried out to God for years.

I have been to 'many counselors' and am now seeing two Theophostic ministers.

I have tried self-discipline.

I have tried using spiritual warfare when I am tempted.


I am so defeated that at times I would commit suicide to get away from this but am too big of a chicken to do it. (Don't worry, I am not going to do it, but I do think about it when I get down; It just is never really an option for me.)


We have found little bits of freedom using the Theophostic approach, and I believe that ultimately this will work, but I don't want to lose my health before that finally happens. The 'little bits of freedom' sometimes last for days, but they usually only last for hours. Obviously, the center of what is defeating me lies around whatever feeling undermines my hope, but that's the best we can do for now.


My question is, "what do I do in the meantime?"


Ed Smith's response:


I can only imagine how hard this is you. You must be very frustrated and weary having struggled for so long. I feel any words of encouragement I may have to offer will be inadequate to lift you too high. What you are dealing with sounds like it is a very difficult place to be.


However, I would like to make a few suggestions that might be helpful.


First, I am very proud that you have hung in there for so long. I do not believe that your struggle has been without purpose. Although I do not believe that God desires that we live in lie-based pain, He still does a good work in the midst of it when we do. I believe that there is great value in your journey. I believe that because you have struggled so long you must have quality character that God has built in you as a result of the walk that you have made. He has promised to be at work in us and is causing all things to work toward the good in order to conform us into the image of His Son. I believe that is true in your case in some measure. I also believe that we will not know the quality and vastness of His work in us until we see Him face to face in that final day. With this said, I encourage you to keep pushing in the direction of freedom even though the way has been dark and difficult at times.


Second, I do believe that there is some good coming your way through this ministry. I have seen the Lord do mighty things over the last ten years. I encourage you to drive as far as you have to drive, keep seeking as long as you have to seek until you find the freedom that He has for you. Keep looking for others from whom you might receive ministry as well. I have worked with different people suffering with eating disorders and have watched the Lord work miracles in their lives. I pray that you will soon find the same. I cannot make any promises about what is in store for you but I am hopeful.


Third, in the meantime I would encourage you to consider doing some of the following. Be sure and work with a medical doctor that knows about bulimia and follow his or her instruction concerning your physical health. There are some medical interventions that might benefit you while you pursue the emotional freedom that you desire.


Fourth, be aware of what is emotionally driving your eating behavior. Slow things down and observe what you are feeling as the compulsion to eat sits in. Often the emotions that are stirred when the compulsion kicks in are the very emotions that we need to follow to the lie-based memory. You might view your eating as your solution to the pain that you are feeling. This emotion will be connected to the lie that is held in memory somewhere. The next time you find yourself heading toward the food, stop and feel. You might even sit down and focus on these feelings to see what opens up. If you feel confident to do self-Theophostic, allow yourself to connect to the memory from which these feelings and see how far you can get on your own. You may or may not have some success doing TPM with yourself. You might consider allowing your spouse to help you as well. If you are part of a church that is open to this form of ministry you might encourage others to become trained as yourself and work with each other. I assume that you have checked the IATM membership directory to see who might be in your area doing TPM. I encourage you to do what you have to do to find release. If the only ministry you are able to obtain is what you are getting then so be it.

Purpose to do work in between your scheduled appointments by making note of your eating habits, what is stirred, what triggered you etc. Having this self-awareness can prove helpful in your ministry sessions. If you do not already have a copy of the new revised 2005 edition of the Basic Seminar Manual be sure and get a copy and read the chapter that gives help with self-administered TPM.


Finally, keep in mind that your eating problem may be your solution to many different pain filled memories. It may not be just one event but several or many. Your bulimia may be the default position you take anytime any lie-based memory gets triggered. If this is the case the behavior may hang on for a time until a significant number of places are resolved. I encourage you to hang in there and keep seeking His freedom. I do pray that you will know the peace that He has for you soon.


I hope that this helps


Ed Smith

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