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01.01.1970 01:0000    Comments: 0    Categories: You Asked (Text Files)      Tags:

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We are raising our little grandson. His Mother, our daughter, is a drug addict who has gone out again and is not part of his life right now. As she heals we hope to re-establish contact between them. He asks about her and says he misses her. His Dad is an active part of his life on weekends. Can you give us any suggestions to help us do TPM with him and ease his pain?


Ed Smith's response:


First, it is important to acknowledge that a measure (if not all) of his pain is real and is based upon the truth. He is hurting because his mother is gone. This is where I would start in ministering to him. Continue to provide comfort, reassurance and love during this time of disconnect and allow the love of God to pour through your hearts onto him. However, know that in times such as this lies are often implanted in the minds of children. It is important that you as the loving spiritual caregiver continually provide the truth to this child so that his mind or the enemy does not misinterpret what is happening. It might be easy for him to assume that he is the reason for his mother leaving and take this crisis on himself. It is common for a child to interpret the bad things that occur to and around him as self perpetuated.


As far as what can you do about any lies that may already be resident in his thinking, there are several things you might try. First, ask him what it is he is feeling and why. He may have difficulty explaining what he is feeling so be patient and move slowly. Look for the belief behind the emotion. If you identify lie-based thinking, ask him if he would like to know what Jesus wants him to know about what he believes. Do not be surprised if he is able to receive much from the Lord. It has been my experience that little children connect quickly and easily to the presence of the Lord.


Continue to encourage, support, love and reassure him but also assume that the enemy will continue to plant lies as well. If he seems stirred as time passes, seek to discover what it is he believes. Sometimes the pain is based upon the truth but there are times when pain in real crisis is lie-based. Even though it is true that he feels bad because his mother, the Lord will also minister to this truth-based pain as well. Ask the child if he would like for the Lord to carry this truth-based pain (sadness, grief, loneliness etc.). If the emotion is truth-based the Lord sometimes allows us to bear suffering for different reasons. Allow this time of crisis to be a learning experience for him as well. However, if he is feeling "all alone and even abandoned by God", "fearful since there is no one to protect me", etc. the Lord may have something He wants the child to know to displace this thinking.


I hope that this helps,


Ed Smith

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